Relationships

Relationships are a wonderful, strange, tragic thing. My first wife and I divorced over 20 years ago. We had one son, who I love more than life. He was six. My wife eventually moved in and married her boss, a lawyer. My son lived with them, but I made every effort to stay in touch. Attended all his hockey games, baseball games, talked on the phone, spent weekends and traveled together-everything I could do.

 After the divorce I spent two long sessions in hospital suffering from severe depression. The circumstances of the marriage and the divorce damned near killed me. I never recovered, and finally had to take early retirement on a disability pension. I have given up on Psychiatry and Psychology, as I think they are a sham, not even a Science. That topic later, I promise.

Eventually, I re-married.  I found it necessary to leave my home town to move where my new wife could find work. I cannot tell you how many tears I cried at leaving my beloved son behind. He says now that I took him on a 15 year emotional roller coaster.I guess I did, I felt so guilty about leaving him, although I did my best to stay in touch no matter where I lived. I guess it wasn't enough.  To wit:

Flash forward to the present. My son, now age 29 is getting married back in my home Province. Thinking it would be one of the greatest days of my life, I make plans to attend. Looking back, I can see strange signals I should have picked up on. His future wife did not want to communicate with me-even by email-until "after she met me". Other signs as well. But I blundered ahead, sent all kinds of gifts, getting more and more excited. Arrived at wedding site early, expecting some pre-wedding get togethers, but spent most of my time sitting in a motel room. Thankfully,I had had the sense to invite a beloved Aunt, and two close friends of over 40 years. My sub-conscious must have been sending out warnings.

The wedding day. I arrived at the church to find that there was no reserved space for the "Father of the Groom". I sit near the middle of the church. His mother and step father in the front row. The reception- I asked to make a short speech telling a short cute anecdote about my son. Not called on. When I got up to speak anyway, my ex blocked my way and refused to allow me to speak (guess who was running that wedding!!). I found myself completely excluded from the wedding pictures-I had to tell the photographer I was the groom's father-and he grudgingly took a couple of pictures- of me standing alone. The wedding pictures were published on line two weeks later- the step father in the role of father in all the pictures. Not ONE PICTURE of my son and I together. Heart broken, I complain to my son, who now will not speak to me or answer my emails.

Now I sit alone, depressed, heart broken, and humiliated. What could I  possibly have done to be treated in this manner?? My friends say it is water under the bridge, I have to let go. (But they are 5000 km away!!) How do you let go of a relationship of almost 30 years with your own child, when I can't even identify what I did to be so horribly treated in this way?? It will be a long time before I get over this, but I will have to try. Appealing for mercy has certainly done no good. And, I guess my son has made his decision. He will have to live with it. I don't know if I can.